"Spiritually Speaking" by Rev. Carla Golden

Holiday Grief

I am aware, this time of year, that there are many who are experiencing grief. It may partially be because I work for a hospice; but I also know from my own experience that this can be a difficult time.

As we contemplate celebrating another Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever holiday we celebrate, it is natural to think of holidays past. We recall the happy times with loved ones and some of those loved ones may be gone from our lives through death, divorce, or estrangement. We may have suffered another loss, such as a job or our health. Waves of sadness wash over us as we feel our loss more acutely at this time of holiday celebrations.

My belief is that if sadness is what we are feeling, then we should allow it to be there--to even embrace it. It is normal. The grief comes when it comes and rather than suppressing it or avoiding it we should move through it. It is part of our human experience.

What we should not do is to stay there. In the Lord's Prayer we read "And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...." It does not say that we should set up camp in that valley. Our minister in Chicago used to remind us that in the Bible they often used the expression "And it came to pass." He'd laugh and say, "In other words, it didn't come to stay."

Yes, it does pass. The grief does pass, the heartache, pain and sadness does lift and lessen over time. Where we are today is not where we will be next year at this time. There is always hope.

As so many people remind us in books, songs, and the sermons of ministers...it is helpful to focus on what we do have in our lives at this time. Yes, we all have losses, endings in our lives, but we all have new beginnings as well. Maybe, by helping someone else who is experiencing loss of some kind, we can be reminded of all that we have for which to be grateful.

 

Just For The Joy of It...The JK Wedding Dance Video

You've probably at least heard about this, if not seen it yourself, as it has been a hit on YouTube as well as mentioned on the news. Why is it that this video of people dancing down the aisle at a wedding has been watched time and time again by millions of people (myself included)?

To me, it's about JOY. Watching these people dancing down the aisle to the song, "Forever" by Chris Brown, can't help but make you smile. So let yourself feel the joy and watch the video. It's a great way to start the week, don't you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Dancing With God

I received this message from a friend and wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you dance!

Dancing With God

~Author unknown

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.  
The movement doesn't flow with the music,  
And everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.  
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
Both bodies begin to flow with the music.  
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
Or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.  
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,  
And attentiveness from one person  
And gentle guidance and skill from the other.  
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "I".  
"God, "u" and "I" dance."
God, you, and I dance.  
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust  
That I would get guidance about my life.  
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.  
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings  
And mercies are upon you on this day and everyday..  
May you abide in God, as God abides in you.  
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead  
And to guide you through each season of your life.  
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life,  
Please share this message with someone else..  
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
So let's continue to pray for one another.  

And I hope you Dance!!

The Odd Couple: A Story We Humans Can Learn From

Every now and then, I get one of these emails with a story that touches my heart and gives me hope for mankind. The link below is to a short video of a story of friendship between two unlikely animals. I couldn't watch it without tears coming to my eyes. The message? If these two creatures can form such a bond--why can't we humans learn to get along and love one another despite our differences?

Download TheAnimalOddCouple

Scientists Say "Giving" Activates Pleasure Centers in the Brain

Have you noticed that you feel good when you give to others? Well, scientists at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke have now proven that giving actually does make us happier.

An MRI used on subjects who had made a decision to give money to charity, found that the mesolimbic area of the brain was stimulated, which then released dopamine, which causes pleasurable or euphoric sensations. It's like getting "high" on giving!

So if you want to feel good, find a church or charitable organization that you would like to bless with your money and GIVE. Spiritual teachers have always told us that when we give, we receive, and now scientists have proven it.

Slow Death

Robert E. Quinn writes this in his book, Deep Change:Discovering the Leader Within -- "Ultimately, deep change, whether at the personal or the organizational level, is a spiritual process. Loss of alignment occurs when, for whatever reason, we begin to pursue the wrong end. This process begins innocently enough. In pursuing some justifiable end, we make a trade-off of some kind. We know it is wrong, but we rationalize our choice. We use the end to justify the means. As time passes, something inside us starts to wither. We are forced to live at the cognitive level, the rational, goal-seeking level. We lose our vitality and begin to work from sheer discipline. Our energy is not naturally replenished, and we experience no joy in what we do. We are experiencing slow death."

So how do we escape this slow death? Quinn tells us that it has to do with being true to ourselves and our values. It requires us to look at our hypocrisy, our weakness, greed and cowardice. Somewhere along the way, we have sold out. We have compromised ourselves and our values. To reverse this process we must get clear on our values and have the courage to take a stand when we feel tempted to accept something less of ourselves.

Are you experiencing slow death now in your life? Take some time out this weekend and make a list of your values. Then make a commitment to yourself to live your life in accord with these values. When you come into integrity with your values, you will begin to feel alive again and excited about your future.

Living in the Past

There was a woman in my hometown who wore the same hairstyle for 60 years and also the same style of clothing. It was as if time stood still in Gertrude's life. She was quite satisfied with her outdated hairstyle and dress and it didn't bother her a bit that other people made comments and laughed behind her back.

Gertrude is one example of living in the past, but there are other examples that are not as harmless. There are people that live in the past through their anger and unforgiveness.

My father was once contacted by a man that he had served in the army with in WWII. The man was in the area and wanted to stop by and see my father. My father agreed to it, but when the man came over, my father was not very friendly to the man. In fact, he was downright rude. Later, my dad acknowledged that this man had done something that upset him when they were in the army together.

I was shocked that my father was still holding a grudge against this man 45 years later. I have no idea whether the man even remembered whatever it was that he had done all those years ago that made my father angry, but I'm sure he left shaking his head and wondering.

Any time we hold a grudge or retain anger against someone, we are living in the past. We cannot be fully present in the moment when we refuse to take our foot out of the door of the past. Have you ever noticed that you cannot walk into another room unless you remove your foot from the room that you want to leave?

Jesus told his disciples at one point to "shake the dust from your feet" and move on. His point was that we cannot carry the past with us if we are going to move forward. We must be willing to shake off the negativity, anger and resentment that we may feel about someone if we want to move on with our lives and be totally free. Otherwise, we live in bondage to our emotions and are connected to the person that we feel these strong emotions towards even though they may not be physically present in our lives.

Are you chained to your past? Is there someone in your life that you need to release through forgiveness? Take time to do that now so that you can be in this moment, fully present and free from bondage.

Are you a "Workaholic"?

Back in the 1980's, I got my first job after completing my college degree. I was determined to prove myself. It was a job that I loved, so at first it didn't bother me working more hours. But after awhile, it took its toll. I had trouble sleeping and I was often anxious about whether I was good enough or smart enought, a problem that had its roots in my childhood. I was afraid of failure and thought that by working harder I could protect myself from that. At the time, I didn't realize the depths of my fear and the effect that it was having on me.

Workaholism, according to Gary Zukav in his book, The Heart of the Soul, is a "flight from emotions." It is an escape from feeling our emotions.

I know a woman who is constantly working on one project or another, always running, compulsive in her need to control situations and take charge. She shares with me how exhausted she is and even sends me her agenda for the day so that I can see how hard she works and how many things she needs to accomplish. She seems to thrive on chaos and drama.

On the other hand, this woman's marriage is in a sad state of affairs. It was perhaps a marriage that should not have occurred, but now that she is in it, she is hesitant to get out because of her two children and finances.

Gary Zukav would say that this woman's workaholism is an escape from pain and sadness. How many of us have used our work or another addiction to escape from our emotions? Whether it's alcohol and drugs, shopping, or gambling, it is all about escape.

Are you using any of these escapes in your life? The most important thing is to first acknowledge it, to be able to awaken from the self-induced trance that you have been in. Be willing to be an observer in your own life. Talk to your friends and family. Have they noticed this behavior? Be honest with yourself about your life and whether it is really working for you the way it is. And be willing to let the feelings and emotions come up from deep inside you where they have been suppressed. I recommend finding a good therapist or spiritual advisor.

I have heard the analogy of holding a beach ball under water. It takes a lot of energy to suppress that ball and it takes even more energy for you to suppress the emotions that lie within you. It is draining physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Once the emotions have been released and the pain has been acknowledged, action may then be necessary. Once the realization occurs that the workaholism is an escape, the person will need to deal with the situation that may be contributing to the pain.

God is the power and the presence within us that enables us to work through these issues, to strengthen us as we go through them and to see the good that is there for us. It's all about transformation.

Being True to Ourselves

My husband came home yesterday talking about a t-shirt he saw with an unusual message. It was worn by a hefty, slightly disheveled young man of around 19 or 20. He sat down at a table in a cafeteria with his back to my husband. His t-shirt said, "It's better to be hated for being who you are than to be loved for being who you're not."

I'd never seen that message on a t-shirt before and it struck me as pretty profound. As children, many of us find ourselves being the person that we think we need to be in order to fit in. Sometimes we don't outgrow that behavior.

I grew up a "people pleaser," wanting to be liked. For years I molded myself to play whatever part people wanted me to play in their life. This was especially true with men.

In my first marriage, I tried to be the obedient wife who stayed home, cooked and cleaned. My first husband loved having me waiting for him at home with dinner on the table. It reminded him of his own mother, I think. There was only so much cleaning I could do, so I began to watch "General Hospital" and sing along with Carole King on the stereo. Depressed and ten pounds heavier than before I'd gotten married, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't remember who I was anymore.

One day I stood my ground with my husband and told him that I was getting a job. I saw an ad in the paper for Gloria Marshall Figure Salon. They were looking for a counselor. I applied and got the job. My husband was not happy with me, but I was finally feeling good about myself. Each day, I came home with a feeling of satisfaction and, even though my paycheck was small, it added to my sense of accomplishment.

My first marriage barely lasted a year. There were times that I felt guilty about going against my husband's wishes and getting a job. But I had to be true to who I was and not settle for my first husband's idea of what a wife should be.

In Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love, she wrote that people had often asked her about surrendering their lives to God, asking such things as, "I'm a musician--what if He wants me to be an accountant?" Marianne's response was, "Why would He? Wouldn't He rather have someone who understands numbers do that job?"

Each of us is born with special gifts, passions and talents. These are a compass to us as we head out into the world. We're always going to get messages from the outside world about how we should look, dress, what career we should pursue. But listening to our heart and being our authentic self will bring us true happiness in the long run.

And as for me...I'm now happily married to a man who loves me for the person that I am. There are no hoops to jump through or parts to play. I am me, imperfections and all, and that's okay with him.

Why Not Let Your Light Shine Every Day?

I was among the thousands who participated in the “Fire the Grid” project on the morning of July 17. I received emails from many friends and comments on my Gather articles from others who had said they were excited about the opportunity to be a "Messenger of Light" -- to pray and meditate for the healing of this planet and for peace on earth.

Sitting next to my husband in the quiet of our den, I was uplifted by the knowledge that so many of us were doing this at the same time around the world. I could feel the positive energy of this combined prayer consciousness.  Afterwards, I thought to myself that we need to continue sending this positive energy out into the universe and spreading the loving vibrations that were set forth in this project that we participated in on July 17. Then I remembered that my good friend, Rev. Elizabeth Haugen, had started a movement designed to help do this.

Here is what she has to say about her new project, SMILE, in her own words. I hope that you’ll check it out and get involved. It will cost you nothing and will continue the work that we have already begun.

Are you ready to make a difference in our world? Are you willing, as Mahatma Gandhi said, “to be the change you wish to see in the world”? The SMILE Movement (Sharing My Inner Light Everyday) was organized for just that purpose.

Individually we, as SMILE ambassadors, are dedicated to uplifting and healing the world, one heart at a time. We seek first to show up every day as loving beings who live by the SMILE Covenant of Being. This Covenant is to:

Speak with authenticity

Model an attitude of non-judgment,

Interact lovingly,

Listen deeply, and

Enrich the world.

We are also committed to recognizing and acknowledging others when they show up in positive and loving ways. When we interact with or observe someone being a positive light in the world we share SMILE Award cards with them letting them know that they have made a difference.

If you would like more information on the SMILE Movement, desire to become a SMILE ambassador, or are interested in obtaining a supply of SMILE Award cards for sharing with others, please go to our Web Site at www.smilemovement.com or e-mail us at [email protected] . There is no fee to become a SMILE ambassador.

“Individually we make a difference. Collectively we transform the world.”

—Elizabeth Haugen