I had meant to continue with the series that I started on world religions, but something happened that I wanted to share with you. It was a reminder to me of looking beyond what is said and realizing that there is more to the story that what we may see or hear.
As some of you know, I also write articles for the on- line community Gather.com. Many of the articles are reprints from what I have shared with you here. This week, I felt moved to share an article called "No One Dies Alone."
In the article, I wrote about how I had learned through my experience working with the dying that most people have contact with, or a visit from, someone who has already passed over. Their loved ones seem to want to help them as they make this transition.
This was the case with my father, who desperately wanted to be met by his mother as he approached the end of his life on this physical plane. His mother had died when he was only four years old and he had never stopped thinking about her. Although he was only semi-conscious as the end drew near, he clearly said, "Mama." To me, that was a possible indication that he got his wish.
After I had posted this article, which I hoped would give others comfort, I received a comment from a young man named Soren, who was from Denmark. Soren's reply was argumentative...attacking my experiences as "theological presuppositions." As for the experiences of the dying who had witnessed these visits from loved ones, he explained it as "random synapse firings in a brain struggling to function."
At first I felt defensive towards this young man's attacks on my article and my personal experiences. Who was he to argue with me, a minister with experience in hospital and hospice work!
I quickly typed out another comment to fire back to Soren, then paused before sending it out. I was quiet for a moment and what came to me was that this young man was not being argumentative just for the sake of shooting down my experience. There was something else behind his words. It was anger, pain and confusion.
I decided to do a bit of research on Soren. I found his home site on Gather and read his profile. "Rabid Atheist" it said after "Religious Affiliation." Where it said "Describe Yourself" he had written: "As bitter as wormwood."
I was beginning to get a better picture of Soren. I looked up some of his prior comments to other articles. There I found my answer. In a reply to someone who had lost a loved one, Soren admitted that he had recently lost his brother, who was also his best friend. He wrote of the guilt he was feeling for not having called his brother the day before he died, even though his intuition had told him to do so. This young man, who was only 23, was feeling deep remorse and grief. His way of handling his emotions was to strike out in anger and frustration, especially regarding anything that might have religious overtones. If there is a God, why did he take my brother and dearest friend? might have been what he was thinking and feeling.
I wrote back to Soren, expressing my condolences for the loss of his brother. I could now understand where his words were coming from and why he lashed out the way he did. I no longer took his words personally.
In our interactions with people, we don't always have the opportunity to go back and find out what might be behind a person's caustic remarks or their behavior. Beyond what others say, there is often another story. Listen for the feelings or emotions under their words.
(In my next post, I'll continue my series on world religions and will write about "Hinduism".)
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